‘How many times do I have to tell you to go and have a bath now?’

‘What are all these clothes doing lying around the lounge?’

‘I’m sick and tired of you kids fighting and being nasty to each other, now get to your room!’

Does this sound familiar to you?

What a difference it would make if we could have our homes running smoothly, our children being kind to each other, cooperating and respecting us.

What amount of stress in your relationship with your spouse and kids would be alleviated if your kids got along well with each other, respected you and themselves, cooperated every time you wanted them to do something, and all doing well at school?

Sibling Rivalry – There is an Answer!

The answer is obvious, in these modern times, and more especially since the Covid pandemic, it seems that there is a great deal of stress caused by the constant nagging, fighting and ‘banging heads’ with your children. What difference would it make to you if you had your children under control, respecting your authority, self-motivated and responsible?

Believe it or not I have found the answer to sibling rivalry. I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to parent step twins who were both girls. I became involved in their life from when they were three years old.

One was a calm and undemanding child, while the other was explosive, had temper tantrums, wanted her own way and was constantly seeking attention. As a result there was a great deal of sibling rivalry.

I soon realised that Erica, the difficult twin was constantly being shouted at and blamed for every conflict that she had with her sister.

Very early on in my relationship there was an incident where Erica had come home from a birthday party with a colouring book and some crayons. Just after returning home, my wife called me to try and resolve an argument between the girls.

It turned out that Zoe, the twin sister had wanted to use the colouring book and crayons that Erica had brought home. Erica was refusing to allow Zoe to use her newly acquired colouring in book and crayons.

I then turned to Erica and asked her if Zoe could use her newly acquired present. Erica refused exclaiming that the item was hers and that she didn’t want Zoe to use them.

Calmly I replied by saying that she did not have to lend her sister her present. I asked her if she was going to use them and she said ‘no’. I suggested that she go and have a bath and that she could use her present after supper.

It was evident that she was surprised at my response as in similar situations, she had always been shouted at and made to share whatever it was that belonged to her.

She immediately relaxed, had a bath and when she came out she went to her sister and said ‘Zo, you can use my colouring book and crayons.’

A Miracle

Always being shouted at had made her belligerent and uncooperative and was the main reason why she refused to share as in her mind she did not believe that she was being treated fairly and as a result did not want to share her colouring book with her sister.

That was the turning point in Erica’s relationship with both her mom and her sister. Within a week there was a total change in attitude and since that day they have hardly had a serious difference.

A little while ago I was visiting friends with the twins. When my friends heard that there had never been sibling rivalry between them, they wanted to know from the girls the reason.

Erica replied by saying that from a young age they had agreed never to fall asleep without resolving any differences that may have cropped up between them. To this day they still share the same bedroom, they never wanted separate bedrooms. They are 22 years old.

How much would you give for a Calm home?

How much would you pay for your home to be calm where all the family cooperate with each other and where mom finds that she has much more time to spend on herself?

How much have you been spending on assessments, therapy and extra help for your child?

For a fee less than a return flight from Durban will virtually guarantee that almost all sibling rivalry in your home will be eliminated.

Don’t waste time!

Book a Parent Coaching session, or a SmartChoiceParenting Workshop.

You will be in for the surprise of your life after you have done the programme. You will be more surprised when you notice positive change in your family within a very short space of time.

Click here to learn more about our workshops.