The subject of spanking seems to come up time and time again. Seldom is an effective alternative offered to parents. Let’s make one thing clear; spanking is a form of abuse and very few parents spank their children when they’re cool and calm. Often the smacks are too hard and the parent feels guilty. As a result, the moment the child decides to behave for a while, he’s rewarded. Children are very manipulative and once you allow them to feel in control, you’re in trouble. Once you start rewarding children for acceptable or normal behaviour, you’re at their mercy.
Research has been done regarding corporal punishment at schools. One of the things that came out from the research was that in many cases the same learners always got a hiding. If using the stick was so effective, you should, in effect give one hiding and the problem should be solved. If your child keeps on making bad choices and your punishment is not solving the problem, that style of parenting becomes ineffective. Smacking means that what should be the child’s problem, becomes your problem
There are better ways, and SmartChoiceParenting offers a number of effective alternatives to smacking. How? By making the problem theirs e.g. your child asks for yoghurt. You agree but let him know that he’s got to finish the yoghurt, throw the bakkie and lid into the litter bin and clean up his mess. If he chooses not to, let him know that this means that he doesn’t want to watch TV that evening.
What you need to remember is that nothing in your home belongs to your child except their toys. This means that they’ve got to ask before taking or using anything. Countless numbers of kids that I see in my rooms touch things that don’t belong to them. From taking mom’s cell phone out her handbag to grabbing a pencil out of her hand. Problems with children start with the small things.
My catchphrase ‘If they can, they must’ means that if a child can do something for themselves, they must. If they can take a wrapper off a sweet, they must. One of the conditions should be that the child places the wrapper in the litter bin himself. If he refuses it means that he doesn’t want the sweet. A small thing in the greater scheme of things, but this often leads to bigger problems.
