I have observed a number of very worrying trends that are taking place amongst a large number of learners which I have found is mainly as a result of compassionate parenting.
The new age of compassionate parenting where parents are encouraged to over-protect, over-indulge, over-control and molly-coddle their child does not equip the child with any tools that will ensure that they grow into independent, self-motivated, self-assured, empathic adults that take responsibility for the choice they make and have the grit and determination that will ensure that they succeed.
I see it as the new pandemic!
These trends and the reasons include the following:
A growing number of learners who are extremely impulsive and demanding
Reason: every child is born self-centred, impulsive and selfish and it is the duty of the parent to equip the child with the ability to have the skills to deal with the demands of the bigger world that they enter.
So how does a parent ensure that their impulsive child becomes less impulsive and demanding? A simple solution is to teach your child manners from an early age. The child of today takes without asking and feels entitled to have what they want.
A child has to understand that the only thing that belongs to them is their possessions which mean that if they want something they need to ask! e.g. ‘mommy may I please play with your cell phone?’ Mom can then respond by letting her child know that she is busy and that the child must wait until her mom gives her phone. Compare this to a child going into her mother’s handbag and taking the phone out without permission. Totally impulsive, and totally unacceptable.
Manners appear to have gone out the window and with it parents are dealing with a consequence of very demanding and impulsive children.
A growing number of learners in speech therapy
Reason: I have observed that there are a huge number of young children that whine rather than speak properly to their parents. They often end up slurring their words and not talking clearly and often ending up in speech therapy.
An easy solution for a parent when their child whines is to ask the child if they want to go to their room and practice how to ask in a proper voice, or are they going to ask in a proper voice and make the request again.
A growing number of children not involving themselves in fantasy play
Reason: with the new trend of compassionate parenting, parents are encouraged to be there for their child, play with them and do homework with them. Children are born to play on their own where they can use their imagination and create fantasy playmates as well as imaginary stories which they can play out by means of fantasy play.
The child of today is bored and demands to be entertained. From my observation kids of today have far too many toys which they play with for a couple of minutes before losing interest.
By not indulging in fantasy play, a child’s creative imagination lies dormant and retards their development. A very worrying trend indeed.
Encouraging learned helplessness
Reason: with the advent of Covid and with so many kids learning from home, when it came time to returning to the classroom, many learners did not enjoy returning to school.
However, also as a result of the parent being encouraged to be there for their child, they gave the child a tacit message that they didn’t have to listen in class because when they got home there would be somebody to help them, be it a parent, au pair or an extra lesson teacher.
Without realising it the child had no reason to pay attention in class as there would always be someone to help them when they got home.
The consequence of this attitude has resulted in a growing group of learners in extra lessons, having no grit or determination, avoiding challenges and wanting somebody to help them when the going gets tough.
Over dependency on the parent
Reason: it seems that parents are being given the message that they must be there for the child in order to ensure that the child does not become too stressed.
This approach, in fact, aggravates the situation.
There are far too many parents that are still dressing their child, feeding a child, carrying the child into school, carrying the child’s school case into school, packing their child’s school bag, making their child’s school lunch and many other activities that the child should be doing for themselves.
I have a slogan ‘If they can, they must”, and parents need to keep this in mind.
Without realising it by doing things that a child should be doing for themselves a parent is tacitly encouraging the child to opt out of challenges, to not persevere, and as a result the child grows up lacking grit.
Far too many learners in occupational therapy
Reason: a child is born with perfect posture, and it is up to the parent to ensure that the child develops both fine motor and gross motor coordination in order for them to perform to their potential.
Far too many young kids are allowed to play on a cell phone or IPad. Their posture while playing with these devices leaves much to be desired.
A child who tends to play with a device while lying down or slouching or in any other inappropriate position does affect the posture, as well as their gross motor and fine motor coordination.
Parents need to ensure that when a child is playing with a device, they need to be sitting upright at the table, with good posture and with their faces not too close to the device.
Playing on cell phones should be discouraged, especially watching full-length movies as the screen is far too small and undoubtedly creates a certain amount of stress on the eyes.
Addiction to social media and digital games
Many parents appear to be unaware of the dangers of allowing children unlimited usage of electronic devices such as iPads, TVs and computer games, X-Boxes and so on. Parents are the only adults that have the power to limit usage of these devices.
Research shows that children as young as two are becoming addicted. There is nothing educational about iPads and tablets unless they are being specifically used for homework or other research.
Computer games are problematic as children never have to face up to the disappointment of losing. The moment a game becomes too difficult they just change the difficulty level to ensure that they win. Compare this to losing a physical game of chess, not making the team at soccer, or going out first ball at cricket.
As parents, we have to educate the child regarding persevering, dealing with disappointment and being a good sport. It is therefore imperative that all electronic devices be controlled by you the parent.
Far too many kids lacking grit and determination
Reason: Every child is born with potential and passion. However, they need an adult authority figure (usually the parent) to help them fulfil their potential and maintain that passion.
It is the parent’s responsibility to instil grit and determination into their child.
Your parenting style can either retard or encourage your child to take on life with confidence and motivation.
A parent that is too demanding, controlling or over-protective, or too free and easy actually stifles the child’s potential and discourages perseverance.
Have a question about impulsivity?
Dr. Ken Resnick has had great success in equipping parents with the tools that they need in order to parent in a calm and assertive manner.
Send him a message and he will gladly help.
