‘A child can only become an adult with the help of an adult.’
This definition by well-known Dutch educational psychologist MJ Langeveld sums up the vital role that the parent plays in the healthy development of the child.
It is unfortunate that the primary educators in a child’s life – parents and teachers – seldom work together in dealing with the child and whatever problems arise.
A low turnout at meetings for parents at so many pre-primary and primary schools suggests that parents do not want to take responsibility in acknowledging their role as the key player in their child’s life.
It seems that the sources of difficulties that many parents face is the stressful life that they live which has been exacerbated by the Covid pandemic and the fact that their child did not attend school for many months, and where the parents were finding themselves in a new role as teachers.
Online learning was difficult for many kids, and even more difficult for parents to understand how to ensure that they didn’t fall behind with their learning.
As parenting does not come with a manual, many parents have floundered and as a result do not have the understanding, knowledge and insight to address their child’s needs.
Parents are having difficulty in coping with their own adult problems with many being unaware that it is the quality of their parenting that is the most important factor in the healthy development of their child.
Parenting and Over-dependency
The new buzzword of Compassionate parenting is not working, and is, in fact, exacerbating the problems that parents are experiencing with their children.
Parents need to understand that their main responsibility regarding their child is that they should be guiding their child towards adulthood and their job is to equip the child with all the skills that they will need in order to cope with the challenges that life will throw at them.
Responsible and responsive parents need to understand what is required of them in order to ensure that their child copes independently and with the confidence to cope with the challenges of their world.
The message that parents of today are receiving is that they must ‘be there for their child and it seems that most parents have interpreted this as being there to attend to the child’s every need, including many activities that the child should be doing on their own. The disastrous consequence of this attitude is that child becomes far too dependent on their parent to do everything for them.
Over-Dependency on the parent is the new pandemic and the outcome is proving disastrous. The over-dependent child lacks self-esteem, avoids a challenge, has a fear of failure, and worst of all lack the grit and determination that is needed in order to make a success of their life.
Think about it, parenting is a job whereby we have no job description and no effective training, yet the majority of parents are unwilling to acknowledge that they generally have no idea as to what they are doing and are parenting from a comfort zone or by trial and error.
Just think of what a strange job parenting is. We cherish and protect, worry over sniffles, blow noses, tie shoelaces, read stories, help with homework, patiently try and teach moral values and respect others, yet that is not what we should be doing.
The aim of parenting should be to ensure that a child can grow up to make their own choices and take responsibility for the choices that they make and own the consequences of their bad choices.
This will ensure that they can cope independently and effectively on their own without parental help. If the job of parenting is done well, it is done so that parents eventually work themselves OUT of a job!
The Smartchoiceparenting workshop gives you, the parent, the practical tools whereby you are able to effectively work your way out of the job.
