How often do you hear one of your kids angrily saying to you ‘You’re not fair, she always goes first!’ or ‘You always let her sit in the front of the car!’, ‘You always let him play with your cell phone and not me!’.
I’m sure these and other objections are quite familiar to you as a parent.
Have you ever thought of how different your life and home would be with no sibling rivalry, a calm home with cooperative and loving siblings?
I have found that the main cause of sibling rivalry is perceived unfairness by one or more siblings.
Often, it’s a relatively minor incident that can result in a major fight between siblings.
Here Are Some Tips & Tools Which Will Make A Difference In Managing Sibling Rivalry
A key tool that I have found which is imperative in minimizing sibling rivalry is to draw up a roster that changes every day. Whoever is top of the roster is known as ‘Top Dog’.
Below are a few tips where in most cases the roster is implemented.
- Fairness is vital when parenting children. From my experience the main cause of sibling rivalry is perceived unfairness by one or more of your children. A simple example: One of your kids wants to lie in your bed after they’ve woken up. 15 minutes later another sibling arrives and also wants to lie in your bed. 5 minutes go by and they start fighting and arguing. You tell both of them to go back to their rooms. The sibling that arrived after the first sibling complains that it is unfair as the other sibling was allowed to lie in your bed for a longer period of time.The reality is, that it is unfair. What you should have done when the first sibling arrived was to say to him that he must call his brother and ask them if they would also like to come and lie in mommy’s bed. If the other sibling wants to lie in your bed as well, spell out the rules and consequences to both of them regarding your bed. Make it clear to them that any acting out or fighting will mean that they are choosing not to lie in your bed and must then remove themselves from your room.
- An annoying habit for many parents is when a child wants to sit next to you and your other child wants to also sit next to you, but both want to sit on your right-hand side. An easy solution is to flip a coin and whoever is ‘Top Dog’ for the day can choose ‘heads’ or ‘tails’ and whoever wins then is allowed to sit next to you on a side of their choice.
- Arguments arising regarding where the kids want to sit in the car are easily resolved by making a rule that Top Dog has first choice regarding where they’d like to sit, followed by the others as listed in the order of the roster for the day.
- Pre-empt and clarify rules and consequences when friends come over, or if you’re going out as a family, or any other rule regarding your home e.g. leaving toys and clothes lying around the house.
- Arguments regarding who wants to sit where when watching TV are easily resolved by allowing ‘Top Dog’ to have first choice followed by the next child on the roster and so on.
- Arguments over who chooses a TV programme for the day are also easily resolved by allowing Top Dog to have the choice of the TV show for the day.
- At dinnertime, when you’re having a meal such as chicken or a roast, clarify to the children that they are allowed two pieces of meat or chicken, and if they insist on a third piece, let them know when they finished their meal of two pieces and they are still hungry will then be allowed a third piece.
