Myth 1: Some kids are born impulsive and others are not.
All kids are born impulsive and from the moment they become aware of the world around them, what they want they take, or have attention if they don’t get the own way.
A child is born subjective, in other words they are all about themselves, impulsive and selfish. By selfish I mean that they feel they are entitled to anything that they want, but heaven help the parent who takes toy away from the child.
As a result it is the parent’s job to understand how to help the impulsive child to become less impulsive.
The easiest and most simple way to do this is by insisting on manners. A child has to ask for anything that doesn’t belong to them. (link to article which deals with this).
Myth 2: Impulsivity is genetic
According to psychologist Oliver James, The Human Genome Project (HGP) is proving that it is not genes which make up psychological traits.
Rather, it is proven that patterns of nurture make us like our parents and grandparents: what travels down the generations is precise kinds of bickering, humour, snide remarks, delicious food preparation, beatings, hugging and short temperedness.
As in myth one it is the parent’s task to understand their role in ensuring that the child moves from being impulsive to more patient and cooperative.
Myth 3: ‘He is just like his father’
You are like you are because you are related to by both parents in very particular ways, both good and bad. When you have children you are more than likely to do exactly the same, or something similar, in many respects, or else react against it.
How you were cared for, especially in early life, was critical. This, in turn, was called by the way your parents were cared for, all the way back to your grandparents and beyond.
Much of nurture is positive, the love and the sensitivity, the teaching of skills, the intimacy. But in almost all families there are toxic pattern such as impulsivity, short temperedness, selfishness and so on. However, because human beings have choice we do not have to go on repeating the past.
In other words the toxic patterns of parenting such as overprotecting, over-controlling, spoiling or being autocratic do not have to be repeated in a new generation of parents.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is that your thoughts control your feelings. Change your thoughts and you can change how you feel. If you are constantly anxious for no reason, worrying about negative consequences or that you will make a fool of yourself CBT teaches you to think the opposite.
In other words it attempts to help parents deal with the behaviour of their child and can vary between 6 and 16 sessions.
The Smartchoiceparenting Programme (SCPP) is different and more effective (see article) It helps parents understand that it is the quality of the parenting that is the key factor in the healthy development of their child.
In other words when parents are equipped with the tools to manage the child, they can be assured that their child’s impulsivity will be reduced or eliminated.
Myth 4: Impulsivity is a disorder
Impulsivity has become such a problem in these modern times that it is being labelled as an impulsivity disorder. A child labelled as having an impulsivity disorder is usually assessed by a psychiatrist and medication prescribed.
As mentioned in a previous article, every child is born impulsive and as they are dependent on the parent to guide them to adulthood, it is up to the parent to change their style of parenting. When parents have the understanding and insight regarding the job of parenting they can be assured that they will be able to eliminate impulsivity in their child.
The Smartchoiceparenting Programme (SCPP) (see link) gives parents the tools which will enable them to ensure that impulsivity is dealt with from a very early age. The older the child, the more difficult it is to effectively deal with their impulsivity, and their demand for instant gratification becomes more difficult to treat or manage.
In other words if we have not dealt with the impulsive child from an early age, the odds of minimising their impulsivity becomes increasingly more difficult as this characteristic will have become part of who they are.
Parents who have allowed their child to demand and get whatever they want as a result of their impulsivity will have to change their style of parenting the older child becomes. They will find it very difficult to deal with an impulsive adolescent without the adolescent’s cooperation.
