Well-known psychologist and author Oliver James states in the preface of his book ‘Not in your Genes’ that the latest evidence from the Human Genome Project is proving that psychological traits that run in families is not genetic.

No human being is perfect and all our flaws such as lack of confidence, lack of perseverance, impulsiveness are as a result of the quality of parenting that we received.

Honour thy father and mother is one of the 10 Commandments. In other words, the parent should be the centre of the child’s universe. The child is totally dependent on a parent to guide them to adult. This can only be achieved if the parent understands how to maintain their authority in a fair and calm manner.

Unfortunately, in these modern times it seems that in many families the child is the centre of the universe and the parents are revolving around the child. This has thrown families out of alignment and is causing chaos.

I will discuss common mistakes that parents make when dealing with impulsive and difficult kids:

  • Parents have lost the ability to maintain their authority

In this modern day of technology and social media, parents have lost the ability to maintain their authority and effectively manage and discipline their children.

  • Parenting in a manner based on their own childhood experiences

When a person parents in a manner based on the own childhood experiences, they often put their brains onto autopilot when dealing with their children.

This inevitably results in parents doing or saying things that were done or said to them when they were children.

  • Doing too much for your child

It seems that in these modern times of compassionate parenting, the message that parents are given is ’to be there for the child’ and to ensure that the child does not become anxious.

The increase in anxiety disorders, and impulsivity can be included in this, is very worrying. Parents should be there for their child, but not running around a child and doing too many things that a child should be doing for themselves.

Parenting is a management job, and the message of being there for your child should be interpreted as being there to manage your child.

Unfortunately, most parents are not given the insight, knowledge, and understanding in order to effectively manage their child.

My Smartchoiceparenting Programme (SCPP) provides all the insight, understanding and knowledge and the tools which will assist parents in maintaining their authority in a calm and respectful manner.

As infants, children are totally dependent on their caregivers and, as they grow up, they should naturally become increasingly less dependent.

Yet it is important to understand that children can only become independent and have good self-esteem when they are allowed to make their own choices and take the pre-empted consequences for the choices that they make.

  • Being spoken to with a big finger

Nobody enjoys being spoken to with a big finger and told what to do. Our parents did that to us, so we know how that made us feel. Yet we are doing the same thing to our children..

The best parenting involves understanding and encouraging a child to make the right choices. Being prescribed and lectured to.

Ask any five-year-old who has just received a lecture from you what you said and you’ll find that he has no idea. Yet we still insist on giving our child a talking down to or a big lecture, knowing that most of the time you words fly in one ear and out the other.

The Importance of Choices

As parents, it is imperative to teach a child to grow out of this toddler phase and not allow him to grow into an adult who is impulsive, blames others for his lack of success in life and who refuses to accept responsibility for his poor choices.  He should not grow up self-centred and making excuses and blaming others for the choices he makes.

If you’d like to know more about choices and consequences, refer to my other articles on Impulsivity.

SCP Toolkit (#5)

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